Rules of Friendship

If I were a true friend:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry fuck who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3 When you smile -- I will know you finally got some.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".


Friendship is like your pissing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you
can feel the true warmth.


And remember:

A good friend will help you move,
A REALLY good friend will help you move a body,
Let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.