The Drunken Dictionary

Ah drunk people...will they ever say what they mean? Below you..ll find some common drunk phrases and what they translate to in sober language. I hope this helps you gauge whether or not it..s a good idea to let your buddy in the car when he claims he..s ..totally fine, dude...

(Drunk Term = Sober Translation)

I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song!

Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly = Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.

Man, I..m hungry = Man, if I don..t eat right now I am going to be puking all over this bar..again.

You..re really pretty = I..m going to be ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.

Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?

I..m soooo drunk = I..m planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight.

I just, like, want to help animals, ya know? = I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?

You..re my best friend, man = You..re my only friend in arm..s reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.

I don..t want to ruin the friendship = You..re a nice girl but you..re very heavy and I..d rather pretend I value our friendship than spend tomorrow dreaming up ways to kill myself.

This is the BEST night of my LIFE! = This is the BEST night of my WEEKEND!

Let..s take a walk, this bar is crowded = I prefer my handjobs outdoors.

I..m totally fine, dude = I..m totally going to be needing a toilet or bucket in about five minutes, dude.

What..s up, Bro? = What..s up, guy-who..s-name-I-can..t-ever-remember?

Who wants to dance? = Who wants to watch me stumble around the party, waving my arms, spilling my drink and pile-driving my genitals into anything wearing a skirt?

Hey, did you get the notes from Bio? = Hey, I..m going to ask you about class because I..m too scared to ask you out.

I had, like, ten beers before I even came out = I'm, like, the kind of guy that lies about how much I drink.

Dude, I didn..t even make it out of the dorms last night! = Dude, my girlfriend made me stay in and watch the Gilmore Girls season 1 DVD with her last night!

Now, seriously, who wants to watch a movie?