Here's a sample:
Barry say: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.
White Mike say: No sweat Holmes. Got ya covered. Do's what I can.
Barry: 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
White Mike: Fuck yeah, slice. Hit them hard. Hit them often. Beat that nonsense out of them. They will soon love the odor. I promise. It's God's will !!!!
Barry: 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
White Mike: Dat be easy...A dollar two ninety eight.
Barry: 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
White Mike: You can always tell because any animal that's around (dog, cat, lizard, snake, etc...) be all up in dat puss. Trying to get at it somehow. A sniff o' a lick. They love the dirty panties, too. Look fo dat. Also, dey usually be agitated, temperamental cunts round dat time. Keep a ear out fo dat, too.
Barry: 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
White Mike: You CAN own Canadians but they smoke so much weed that dey be no good as slaves. Also, it be funner to hit the Mexicans. You get a little more English out of them the harder you hit them. The Canadians know English so dat be no fun.
Barry: 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death.
White Mike: Yes. Kill the neighbor. If you don't, pretty soon e'rbody be workin' on da Sabbath and da sanctity o' da Sabbath will be compromised. Da whole world will go to hell. Don't matter if dey don't believe what you's believes. You be write. If you's do not follow da Bibles literal words, you be going to hell fo eternity, Holmes!
Barry: Much appreciated...
White Mike: Zghea, WM
