Don't Ask Questions You Don't Want The Answer To Θ Θ

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'





General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. This is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach t hem climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will b e teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Smart Kid

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.

He then understood his assistant's question about his "garage door."

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?

She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires."

Tips for the ladies in 2008:

Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live today'

1. Aspire to be Barbie - she has everything.

2.. If the shoe fits - buy one in every color.

3.. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4.. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5.. Go on the 30 day diet. I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days.

6.. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7.. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8.. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

9.. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.

10. When life gives you lemons - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

Retirement Can Be Hard

One day, while going to the store, I passed by an assisted living facility.

On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a touch unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same assisted living facility with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity and perhaps a bit of concern got the best of me, so I went inside to talk to the Assisted Living Facility Administrator.

'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes. They're having a yard sale.'