Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
How A Woman's Brain Works Θ Θ
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well, it's finally explained in one easy-to-understand illustration -----
Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.
Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.
The Total Shopping Experience
The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
A Summer Poem
I found this beautiful summer poem and thought it might help make your day.
It did me, and it's very well written.
ENJOY!
" Summer "
a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
SHIT!
It's Hot !
A New Shot
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. She starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets. She tries to talk him into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains."First, put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys .smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks ... this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
In one second the sharp lime taste hits ...
At two seconds the Baileys curdles .
At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits
At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"
She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge"
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains."First, put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys .smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks ... this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
In one second the sharp lime taste hits ...
At two seconds the Baileys curdles .
At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits
At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"
She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge"
And we wonder why the government is broke
In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft.
After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study, and after $250,000.00 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Canada , unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46 and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study, and after $250,000.00 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Canada , unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46 and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
God's Email
One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So He called one of His angels to go to earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time, too.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5 % who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
No?
Okay, just checking. I didn't get one either...
When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time, too.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5 % who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
No?
Okay, just checking. I didn't get one either...
New Lexus
We bought a new Lexus, you know the one that parks itself but I had to go back to the dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.
The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" he continued and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers.
Then he said, "Ray Charles," and in an instant " Georgia on My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Soggy Bottom Boys," I'd get beautiful bluegrass music, and if I said, Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them as I shouted "Ass Holes!"
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on Scotch.
Golly, I LOVE this car.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.
The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" he continued and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers.
Then he said, "Ray Charles," and in an instant " Georgia on My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Soggy Bottom Boys," I'd get beautiful bluegrass music, and if I said, Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them as I shouted "Ass Holes!"
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on Scotch.
Golly, I LOVE this car.
Country Bitches vs. City Bitches
A city bitch will take you where you need to go.
A country bitch throws you her keys and says it needs gas in it!
A city bitch will tell you not to fight, it aint worth it.
A country bitch will say beat her ass and look at the crowd and say "better
nobody jump in".
A city bitch will let another bitch know she can back the f*** up or get knocked
the f*** out.
A country bitch will just knock her out!!!
A city bitch tells you, she's had enough to drink.
A country bitch tells you we need another shot, we bout to get f-ed up!
A city bitch goes to the club with you and sits down.
A country bitch goes to the club with you and says lets show these city bitches
how we do it.
A city bitch wonders who your new man is.
A country bitch knows his first name, last name , his birthday, where he lives,
who he's related to, what kinda car he drive's, where he works,
how many babies mama's he has, and how many bitches he is talking to right
now!!!
A city bitch thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A country bitch lets you know that was f***ed up, but I still love you."
A city bitch expects you to always be there for them.
A country bitch knows you will always be there for them, they don't have to
expect shit.
A city bitch reads this message, realizes that she is a city bitch and then
deletes it.
A country bitch passes this to her country bitches without thinking about it.
A country bitch throws you her keys and says it needs gas in it!
A city bitch will tell you not to fight, it aint worth it.
A country bitch will say beat her ass and look at the crowd and say "better
nobody jump in".
A city bitch will let another bitch know she can back the f*** up or get knocked
the f*** out.
A country bitch will just knock her out!!!
A city bitch tells you, she's had enough to drink.
A country bitch tells you we need another shot, we bout to get f-ed up!
A city bitch goes to the club with you and sits down.
A country bitch goes to the club with you and says lets show these city bitches
how we do it.
A city bitch wonders who your new man is.
A country bitch knows his first name, last name , his birthday, where he lives,
who he's related to, what kinda car he drive's, where he works,
how many babies mama's he has, and how many bitches he is talking to right
now!!!
A city bitch thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A country bitch lets you know that was f***ed up, but I still love you."
A city bitch expects you to always be there for them.
A country bitch knows you will always be there for them, they don't have to
expect shit.
A city bitch reads this message, realizes that she is a city bitch and then
deletes it.
A country bitch passes this to her country bitches without thinking about it.
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